


rainbow bridge

by needacuddle



Series: imperfect little family [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Loss, Gen, M/M, Sibling Loss, but a new twist on it, parent!phan, please don’t read this if death triggers u
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:54:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28432005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needacuddle/pseuds/needacuddle
Summary: a tragedy destroys what was once a seemingly perfect family.[read tags before reading!!]
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: imperfect little family [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2082540
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	rainbow bridge

It all happened so fast. The  _ crash _ , and the sound of their oldest’s feet running upstairs.

“ _ Daddies _ !”

A deafening scream came from a tiny seven year old.

A tiny seven year old, who just found her even tinier four year old sister underneath a wardrobe.

Phil jumped, startled by the scream of that tiny seven year old. He ran up to where his oldest was, and his heart dropped when he saw what she saw.

“Dan!” Phil tried to scream, but it sounded more like a cry. He didn’t care, as long as he could get Dan’s attention. “ _ Dan _ ! Call an ambulance!”

The brown-haired boy froze. An ambulance? What happened up there? Without a word, however, he dialed 999 into his phone and held it to his ear. He was freaking out, internally, but he tried to hold it together.

“Hi, um, I need an ambulance,” Dan started. He told the operator what was going on, although he didn’t really have much of a clue himself. He just heard his husband yelling to call so he did. Phil was trying to pull his youngest from under the wardrobe. Her little face, was stained with blood from her nose. It was swollen and her eyes didn’t open.

“Fuck,” Phil cried. “Reese, please be okay.” He held her, contemplating whether chest compressions would be any help right now. He didn’t have a fucking clue what to do, and that terrified him. He failed to protect his daughter, and he didn’t know how to save her.

“Reese,” he heard his seven year old whisper. Her voice was so gentle, so broken. And he realized just how aware she was of everything happening. He wanted to grab Riley and tell her it was just a nightmare, he wanted to wake her up.

It wasn’t a nightmare, though. It was real. It was real and paramedics were rushing into their home. Sirens flashed upon Riley’s little face as she watched her world fall apart right in front of her eyes.

Dan had directed them to where he assumed Phil was, based on where the initial scream came from. He followed the paramedics up, and he finally found out what was going on.

“Phil,” Dan quietly spoke, meeting Phil’s eyes — which were filled with tears. “What happened?”

“It fell on Reese,” Phil looked back at the fallen wardrobe.

“When? How?  _ What _ ?” Dan’s eyes widened. “How could this happen? We always make sure they’re safe, don’t we?”

Riley looked up at her dads, her heart racing with fear. “What’s going to happen to Reesey?”

Dan’s heart sank when he heard his seven year old’s soft voice. He looked down at her and grabbed her hand, and she held it tightly.

“She’ll be okay, right, Daddy?”

Dan didn’t want to answer that. He didn’t want to make a false promise, because he was scared it would be broken. At the same time, he didn’t want his little girl to be scared. He wanted to reassure her, he wanted to scoop her up and tell her everything would be okay in the end.

—————

“I’m sorry, but we were unable to save her.”

Dan shook his head. The words replayed in his head over and over, like a broken record.  _ No, this can’t be happening _ . It couldn’t have been happening, not to his perfect little family. “Hm?” That was all he managed to get out, as he attempted eye contact with the doctor even though he couldn’t see anything but a blur through his tears.

“We did everything we could,” The doctor said quietly. “I’m afraid it was just too much for her.”

Dan felt like he couldn’t breathe. He started to pinch himself, as if that would awake him from this nightmare — but he didn’t wake up. This was  _ real _ , this was actually happening to his  _ perfect little family _ . He looked over at his husband, reaching for his hand. Phil didn’t even notice. He seemed absent, like he didn’t even hear the doctor. It was like Phil wasn’t even there, his eyes were blank and his face didn’t move.

Phil was terrified. His shirt was still covered in blood, her blood, and he was barely processing what had happened. He didn’t know how to react, so to Dan, it looked like Phil didn’t care — but deep down he  _ did  _ know Phil cared. Phil cared so much, so did Dan. They were both so scared and sad.

“I want to go home, Nana,” they heard somebody crying. “I want Reesey!” And they realized it was their other child. Riley.

Dan and Phil kept getting so caught up in Reese’s accident, they forgot how much Riley must’ve been struggling. It was so easy to forget about  _ the other child _ when something like this was happening, yet they felt horrible. They felt horrible for making her  _ the other child _ and they felt horrible because they didn’t know how to make it better. They turned to her, their seven year old, who looked so worn out. They could tell she just wanted to go home; she was curled up in Karen’s lap as Dan’s mum had her arms wrapped around the little one, in a protective way — like she’d do anything to keep her grandchild safe, or at least the one she had left.

The one she had left. It didn’t feel real, kids weren’t supposed to die when they’re four. Children deserve to live their lives,  _ Reese  _ deserved to live; she deserved to grow up alongside her big sister. Riley deserved to be her little sister’s role model and best friend — Reese was supposed to steal Riley’s clothes when they got older, and Riley would yell at her but she’d never mean it. Riley would get annoyed at her little sister for copying her, but her dads would tell her  _ ‘it’s just because she loves you, Ri.’  _ That’s how it was supposed to be. That’s a perfect family,  _ their  _ perfect family.

It didn’t seem so perfect anymore — more like the farthest thing from it, actually.

—————

A nurse had let them into the room they had Reese in so they could all see her, and tell her they loved her. Even if she wouldn’t hear them, it would still be nice to be able to say something to her, before they did whatever they had to do with her body to prepare it for a funeral.

A funeral for a four year old. Why did those have to exist? More importantly, why did they suddenly have to plan one?

“I wish my mum was here,” Phil sighed. “I don’t think I can do this without her, Dan.” He whispered, reaching for his husband’s hand. They’d called both of their parents, but only Dan’s mum made it to the hospital. Kath and Nigel were arriving later that evening, or the next day - they had a bit of a longer trip.

Dan looked over at him, taking his hand and holding it tightly. “I’m here, Phil.” He told him quietly, and Phil nodded. Riley pulled on her nana’s hand, trying to get ahead of her tall dads to see her little sister.

“I want to see —”

The seven year old cut herself off when she saw her sister lifeless in the bed. “I thought they were going to save her.”

Dan felt every piece of his heart shatter. He was already on the verge of completely breaking, so hearing Riley say she thought they’d save her sister made him crumble. Phil looked over at Dan, then bent down to the height of his oldest child.

“Hey, Riles,” Phil started. “I know this isn’t what anyone wanted, and it’s sad, but… the doctors couldn’t save Reese. It was all too much for her, she was so small. They’re letting us in here so we can tell her how much we love her.”

_ Was _ . That word tasted bitter on his tongue.  _ Was _ , talking about his four year old. Everything would be in past tense, or ‘what could’ve been.’ It was all so unfair.

“Oh,” Riley looked down. “I’m sorry I didn’t find her sooner.”

Phil’s heart dropped. With everything going on, it completely slipped his mind that his tiny little seven year old was the one who found her little sister underneath the wardrobe. It was Riley’s  _ deafening  _ scream for her dads that sent Phil running into his youngest’s bedroom. “Riley, no! You don’t have to apologize, honey. This wasn’t your fault, at all.”

“But it was, Dad!” The girl cried. “If I’d been in her room with her, I could’ve stopped her from climbing the wardrobe, or even caught it before it fell. If I ran faster, even, I would’ve gotten to her sooner.”

“ _ Riley _ !” Phil exclaimed, trying to fight back his own tears. “I promise, no one could’ve predicted this happening. Looking back, we all think we should’ve done better. But it was an accident, Riley. An accident like this is almost always the fault of no one,  _ especially _ not you — a child.”

She shrugged, walking up to the bed Reese was in and climbing into it. Riley wrapped an arm around her little sister, crying into her shoulder. “Hi, Reesey.”

Dan shook his head, feeling his heart shatter again, like it kept fixing itself only to be broken again. There were only so many times a heart could break in one day, right? Why did it keep happening to him? He turned around, wanting to get out of the room before he broke down, but he was instead met with his mum’s open arms. Dan walked into them, sobbing in the hug of his mother. Karen held him tightly, and he felt like a child again — like he’d just scraped his knee and his mum was holding him as she got a bandaid onto the cut. Except this time, the knee was his family. The scrape represented everything happening right now.

A scraped knee to represent how his  _ perfect little family  _ was being destroyed.

Phil was by Riley’s side, a comforting hand on her shoulder. He was trying not to cry, wanting to stay strong for his child and his husband. 

“I love you, Reese,” the seven year old whispered, voice shaky as she spoke. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you better.”

_ So much for trying not to cry _ .

“I’m going to miss you so much, Reese. Promise you’ll take care of all the animals at the rainbow bridge for me, okay? Tell Dino how much I miss him, too.”

_ Yeah, who wouldn’t cry after hearing that? _

Riley and Reese both loved animals. It was like they had a sixth sense for them. So, naturally, of course Riley had to make her promise to take care of all of the lost pets — like their own dog, Dino. Dino was the dog Dan and Phil got a few years before their oldest came along. He passed away when she was four, and Riley was devastated. That’s when her dads told her everything about the rainbow bridge. All of the lost dogs, cats, lizards, fish — whatever pet you could think of — played there. They lived there after they died and they never felt pain ever again.

Riley rubbed her eyes, remembering what Dan and Phil taught her about the rainbow bridge. “You won’t feel pain anymore either, Reesey. You’re safe now, and you get to play with Dino forever.” The child smiled a bit through her tears.

Phil pulled the girl out of the bed, holding her tightly. The hospital bed where she last held her little sister in her tiny little seven year old arms. “We’re all going home now,” He told her in a gentle voice.

“Even Reese?” Riley said quietly, putting her head down on his shoulder.

“Yeah, but… a different kind of home. Like you said, Ri, where the rainbow bridge is.”

Riley nodded, smiling a bit.

Maybe their  _ perfect little family _ didn’t seem perfect anymore, but in her heart it did. Reese wouldn’t be there physically, but Riley knew where she was. She promised, after all.

She was just at the rainbow bridge with Dino and all the other pets that came before them.

**Author's Note:**

> i’m sorry for this lol
> 
> i can only write angsty stories because writing is hard
> 
> tumblr: needa-cuddle


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